It is time for another movie review, since there is nothing else to write about, well well, that’s how it goes. So this hungover-feeling of a sunday was spent with me doing stuff at a flea-market, catching some great meat stew, checking out the semi-final of Big Brother Finland and glancing through the movie called Brüno. And here you go, my opinion on Sacha Baron Cohen’s latest spectacle, if you care.

( The film was not enough gay )

Brüno is a film about an über-gay dude from Austria, he chokes on stuff for living and eventually gets kicked out of his beloved D&G world for being an ass. Then he decides to become the most famous gay or guy in the world by doing stuff. That’s pretty much it.

( The super gay Austrian dude )

Ever since I saw Borat I’ve loved the things that Sacha Baron Cohen does, except for the Ali G movie which pretty much sucked ass. Brüno is a hilarious movie but the story isin’t as good as Borat. Brüno feels like a funny montage from time to time, but it is really funny, the part when he “joins” the army is the coolest part, a super gay dude joining forces with the very straight US Marine Corps, awesomeness.

While watching this thing I gave alot of thought to what scenes were “real” and what was staged stuff, I mean, can people be this stupid, for instance the girls who were giving up their babies for photo shoots, what? Are the really people on the face of this earth who are willing to give their 4-year-old’s liposuction? That’s just, well, I don’t even know what that is..

Anyway, Sacha is really good on the irony things, he really knows which buttons to push, just look at the music video in the end, haha, fucking awesome!

( Sacha at the tip of my sofa )

So, if you wanna laugh, if you wanna have a cool monday evening, rent this flick and I assure you, you will like it. As for me grading this shit, I’ll give it 4 dildos out of 5. Cool, hip and very gay!

//Tage – The Gayby

This very evening I glanced through Jody Hill’s comedy starring Seth Rogen from 2009, the movie is called Observe and Report and it’s about a mall cop who wants to be a real cop as well as it’s about him trying to catch a pervert who is flashing his dick to society.

( I observed this movie, and now I’m reporting? )

The movie’s finnish title is Ostarin Superstevari, It’s probably the worst translation since back in the day when the subtitles were as follows —>> Dude in some movie shouts, “C’mon, the smoke will cover us”, and the finnish subtitles go, “Tulkaa, Smoke suojaa meitä”.. What? Well, that’s life.

The movie was quite bad, it had it’s moments between 45mins and 55mins, I actually found some stuff hilarious. But it was really weird, the story, the characters, the everything, many many weird elements, and not David Lynch weird in a good kinda way, no way, weird in a bad way, yes way. Subway?

( What is that dude observing? And why is he not reporting stuff? )

So, what else is there to report on this flick? Probably nothing. It was a moment in my life that I might remember for the next three minutes. Like a tamagotchi, only not..

The film had some good tunes but some really weird humor that even I couldn’t grasp. And then one starts to wonder, why is there another movie from the same year called Mall Cop? Are Mall cops that interesting that Hollywood would waste 200 million dollars on making these films..  I feel that this one should be Obscured and not reported about.. No? Obscure and Report? Oblivious and retarded?

Anyway, feel free to try it, but it kinda sucks. I’ll give this one 1 out of 5 retarded and oblivious Greek Gods.

// Tage – A new week ahead, hopefully with some cool stuff in the way..

I have peeked through David “China Bitch” Bowie’s son’s movie called “Moon”. And David’s son is called Jesus, no wait, it’s Duncan Jones, but Donny James to the ones who know him, such as undertecknad, or not?

( Yesterday was Moonday? What? It was Tuesday..  )

So, the movie is about the moon. Whatever gave me that idea? Our beloved main actor Sam Rock n’ roll well, who sure rocks well, is at our moon mooning all bypassers, such as the Simpsons green aliens and others. He moons everyone and then gags himself. And then suddenly he has 700 clones Matrix-style and everyone goes all sci-fi on your ass. And that’s about it.

( In finnish the film is called KUU, kinda catchy ey? Kuul? No? )

The movie also carries the famous voice of Kevin Spacey, you know, the one who jerked off an alien in K-pax? Or was that some hip hop group? Anyway. He stars as the voice of the very 70’s-looking talking computer on the moon, but why does the computers in the future look like they were built for some Farscape episode in the 50’s? Anyway, it has kind of an HAL9000 ring to it. Sammy does the acting very well and the story, yes the story..

The story is kinda cool, but it seems like you knew what’s gonna happen halfway through the film, but it worked either way. The sound was great, and the soundtrack was even better. Definitely a flick worth checking out. It’s way cooler than Solaris (not the new Stratovarius album, that’s called Polaris) and that british thing when a bunch of wacko’s are headed for the sun to start a hotel chain, you don’t know do you?

But hey, check out the trailer for “Moon” at the following penis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twuScTcDP_Q

( Is it the moon he is watching? Or is it the large ass of a Snowleopard? Or is it the trailer link? )

So, this was this evenings’ movie review. Wanna read a review of your favourite movie, well then, hit me with a comment with the title of your fave and I’ll make it happen during the next decade! Hang in there Mooners.

The grading, what will it be..

Moon (2009) – - – - – - 4/5

//Tage – Moon boots are ugly

( Me, myself and Monty H )

So yes, I went through the Hannah Montana Movie, hooray, and let me tell you, if you haven’t seen the movie, you are very much “nolo”. It’s the talk of the town, she is even more popular than that new Danio Piparkakku thing. Oh, you don’t even know what that is? Your such a sperm-swapper.

Forgive me.

The movie has a storyline. I had seen one episode of Hannah Montana on TV before I decided to check the movie out. I didn’t understand the differnce between Hannah and Miley, It’s kinda Clark Kent stuff going on. Some alter ego crap. One is the honest farm girl, probably a virgin, and the other one is the sex addict pop star, probably blonde everywhere. Forgive me.

Back to the storyline, enough of this trashtalking filth-bull. The movie is about Miley who’s alter ego is Hannah Montana, it’s kinda puzzly since Miley’s real name is also Miley. But she is a popstar when she is Hannah, ok? Settled? Her dad,also her dad in real life, Billy Ray “Achy breaky” Cyrus, have scheduled a trip to the countryside, oh what the hell, en jaksa, ja ork int förklar denhe fittans storyn. (Swedish Outbreak)

( I was cleaning out my closet, and I found Marshall Mathers )

Everytime you watch some episode of Lois & Clark you keep wondering what it is Dean Cain does that makes him unrecognizable (check spelling) to Teri “Desperate House Bitches” Hatcher. At first Clark has his glasses on, and everybode knows him, he is just like Miley, the talk of the town, but then when he goes for a piss (to dress up like Superman) and pulls his hair back with copiuos amounts of water and leaves the glasses, no one knows that he is Clark Kent anymore! It’s the same with Miley Cyrus, she puts on a blonde wig, a fucking wig, and suddenly not even her boyfriends recognizes her anymore, she is now Hannah fucking Montana, the biggest popstar in the world! It freaks me out. If my brother dipped his head in read paint and become a master of Parkour, I would for sure see through his costume. This is just stupid.

But hey, the movie showed me some great and catchy tunes, I’m a sucker for catchy pop-songs, you gotta love that stuff. Verse, bridge, super catchy riff, chorus! Hell yes. The sound mixing, or the music mixing in the movie was awful though, Hannah’s “live performances” sucked big time soundwise. Priceless. Not even the lipsync was in the right spot. All in all it was a typical 3-act movie with “by the books” elements all over the place.

( What, a third shot? )

Have you really read all this way? Oh crap. Gotta figure out an ending.. I gotta give some numbers to this fine Disney piece! Well, the actors were kinda crap, the story was your average bull, the tunes somewhat catchy, the cinematography and editing, and the overall moviemaking part of the film was quite alright. So that leads to a solid 2 Monty Python’s out of 5. And a bonus point to the great Taylor Swift for doing a small camel toe, or was is cameo role in the film.. Anyway, thanks for all the letters guys!

2/5

//Tage Montana – Say hello to my little popstar…