Yesterday I got over one thousand letters claiming that I should write some serious movie reviews, so I thought, what the hey, if the crowd demands it, they shall not get it. Just kiddin’, I’m so hilarious, ofcourse I’ll write a review. And today when I stood in the Kauppapuistikko Makuuni my eyes caught the perfect prey. Hannah fucking Montana! So here goes nothing, my movie clinic is now officially open, and we’ll start with Miley Cyrus as Hannah Jesus Montana.
( Me, myself and Monty H )
So yes, I went through the Hannah Montana Movie, hooray, and let me tell you, if you haven’t seen the movie, you are very much “nolo”. It’s the talk of the town, she is even more popular than that new Danio Piparkakku thing. Oh, you don’t even know what that is? Your such a sperm-swapper.
Forgive me.
The movie has a storyline. I had seen one episode of Hannah Montana on TV before I decided to check the movie out. I didn’t understand the differnce between Hannah and Miley, It’s kinda Clark Kent stuff going on. Some alter ego crap. One is the honest farm girl, probably a virgin, and the other one is the sex addict pop star, probably blonde everywhere. Forgive me.
Back to the storyline, enough of this trashtalking filth-bull. The movie is about Miley who’s alter ego is Hannah Montana, it’s kinda puzzly since Miley’s real name is also Miley. But she is a popstar when she is Hannah, ok? Settled? Her dad,also her dad in real life, Billy Ray “Achy breaky” Cyrus, have scheduled a trip to the countryside, oh what the hell, en jaksa, ja ork int förklar denhe fittans storyn. (Swedish Outbreak)
( I was cleaning out my closet, and I found Marshall Mathers )
Everytime you watch some episode of Lois & Clark you keep wondering what it is Dean Cain does that makes him unrecognizable (check spelling) to Teri “Desperate House Bitches” Hatcher. At first Clark has his glasses on, and everybode knows him, he is just like Miley, the talk of the town, but then when he goes for a piss (to dress up like Superman) and pulls his hair back with copiuos amounts of water and leaves the glasses, no one knows that he is Clark Kent anymore! It’s the same with Miley Cyrus, she puts on a blonde wig, a fucking wig, and suddenly not even her boyfriends recognizes her anymore, she is now Hannah fucking Montana, the biggest popstar in the world! It freaks me out. If my brother dipped his head in read paint and become a master of Parkour, I would for sure see through his costume. This is just stupid.
But hey, the movie showed me some great and catchy tunes, I’m a sucker for catchy pop-songs, you gotta love that stuff. Verse, bridge, super catchy riff, chorus! Hell yes. The sound mixing, or the music mixing in the movie was awful though, Hannah’s “live performances” sucked big time soundwise. Priceless. Not even the lipsync was in the right spot. All in all it was a typical 3-act movie with “by the books” elements all over the place.
( What, a third shot? )
Have you really read all this way? Oh crap. Gotta figure out an ending.. I gotta give some numbers to this fine Disney piece! Well, the actors were kinda crap, the story was your average bull, the tunes somewhat catchy, the cinematography and editing, and the overall moviemaking part of the film was quite alright. So that leads to a solid 2 Monty Python’s out of 5. And a bonus point to the great Taylor Swift for doing a small camel toe, or was is cameo role in the film.. Anyway, thanks for all the letters guys!
2/5
//Tage Montana – Say hello to my little popstar…
10.11.2009 kl. 1:45 am
10.11.2009 kl. 1:50 am
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